{Live} Our Holiday In Quotes
December 31, 2011 in All Posts, Laugh
I was nauseated for most of the holidays, which was great for me because I lost six pounds, but horrible because I couldn’t make or shop for presents and stocking stuffers or properly prep for all the festivities. It would have been totally awful except that I have these wonderfully fond memories to laugh back on.
This one could be offensive, except it was so funny, I loved it:
- Listening in on a frantic girlfriend’s phone call as her LAX-SFO flight just touched down in San Francisco:
“Where are you?! I knew this would happen! Why did you have to get so f@#’d up last night?! You’re twenty-four years old! You’re too old to be going out to get so f@#’d up! And I know you weren’t sleeping at your aunt’s house last night. I called Bobby, I called your dad, I called John. What the f@# were you doing?! Are you happy to see your girlfriend? I don’t think so. Because if you were, you would be here right now to pick me up! Now I’ll have to ride in the car with your aunt - who I’ve never met - and I have no idea what she looks like - all the way to Modesto! What the f@#?!
Now I’m stuck here in the middle of nowhere with all these Asians!
Welcome to the Bay Area, darlin’. A one-horse hick town teeming with chopstick-toting Orientals.
This time, I was the offensive one:
- My mother, ready to rip my tongue out after a string of - no, not expletives - but, alphabetives:
Stop spelling at me!
(I was trying to avoid saying “bike” and “train” in front of the kids before Santa made his visit, but apparently spelling is more offensive to my mom than swearing).
I’m not sure whether I should be offended by these, but my family cracked themselves up:
- My mother speculating why I was feeling better after having thrown up over the holidays:
Oh, you must have just entered your second trimester and you’re feeling better.
No, I’m not pregnant.
- Hubby’s reaction to my mom and brother’s speculations on my stomach bug aka “morning sickness”:
Wow, you’re like one of those fat girls who has no idea she’s pregnant until the baby comes out.
No, I’m just fat.
This one makes me want to cry as much as laugh:
- Jane’s reaction to her stocking stuffed with “gifts from Santa” by Hubby, since I had no time to get or make anything:
Weeee! A new orange from Santa! And a new ball that’s broken just like mine!
This one might make you laugh, but makes me want to cry (and lock her up when she turns 12):
- Jane’s defiant declaration in response to my trying to coax her into better behavior with promises of Santa:
Jane - I’m not going to get any presents because I’m naughty.
Me - No, you’re not naughty. You’re a nice girl.
Jane - No I’m not. I’m naughty. I like being a bad girl.
Hope your holidays were merry and bright, too!
Parents and friends: for more ideas, activities, and inspiration for #RaisingThinkingKids, click on an icon below to join us on Facebook, Pinterest, Google+ and Twitter.
Fellow bloggers: join me at Bloggy Law, where you’ll find Simple Tips for Bulletproofing Your Brand and Blog and I’ll help you navigate the social media legal landscape a little more smoothly.
Chrissy – who has written 422 posts on The Outlaw Mom® Blog - Creative Living in a Conventional World.
Rofl. Seriously. The pregnancy conversation could have happened here, I swear. And the stocking? ROFL. That’s too funny. <3
I felt SO bad about the stocking! It was funny, but really just made me want to cry. I couldn’t tell if she was joking, but I think she really thought she got “new” stuff. Oh geez, the things we try to get away with as parents!